Tropico 5 Radio Quotes

Lulu Marie is the radio presenter in Tropico 5, she is also the owner of her own bar, the "Jolly Roger". While a majority of players consider her utterly annoying, some find her amusing. Love her or not I collected all her quotes and here they are for you:

• Inmigration: "I'm seeing lots of new faces around here lately. This is awesome, because I'm all for meeting new people. Welcome to the Jolly Roger , newcomers! Drinking, partying, worshipping El Presidente and having a good time are mandatory on our island!"

• Smear Campaign: "I was shocked by the recent revelations about one of the island's most prominent factions. I mean, based on their behavior in the Jolly Roger and in the bedroom, I had my doubts, but this is too much. Those poor, poor kittens!"

• New Factions: "If you think that the Communists and Capitalists are a bunch of crazies fighting over stupid abstracts. well, wait to see the other guys! The one lot of them walk around everywhere with loaded weapons, and the others for the most part refuse to drink alcohol in obscene quantities!"

• Airport: "You see, I'm a proud member of a certain club, and now commercial flight is a fact of life here as well -what are you waiting for, folks!"

• Apartments: "I admit, fellow listeners. I'm not one for cramped spaces. And while I can't say that these new apartments the goverment built for us are all that bad... well, let's say that when a friend of mine was peeling onions for dinner -she made her neighbors cry"

• Cabaret: "Our very own Tropican cabaret offers fun, passion, dance, glee and scantily-clad women galore. It is like a small scale Jolly Roger for city folk"

• Canned food: "Are you sick of eating fresh fruit directly off the trees and bushes growing on our virgin island? Tired of the smell of freshly caught fish being cooked at a beachside barbeque? I know I'm not! But if you are, our beloved government has built a fracture that stuffs those in thin cans, and fills them with preservatives, just for you!"

• Church: "I'm so glad that there is a new Church on our island. Jesus taught us many important things like surfing and "Turn the other cheek". I often disregard that last rule and punch the guy instead, but I always feel guilty afterwards."

• Circus: "Have I ever told you about the time I ran away to join the circus? What a wonderful two years I spent there before they kicked me out for being too crazy. I miss my old friends. Freddy, if you're listening: welcome to town and give Olga a yank on her beard!"

• Genetically modified food: "I found genetically modified crops a huge disappointment! Turns out we don't grow fish fins after we eat them, they don't cause brain damage and won't horribly and permanently change our indigenous flora. Just about every exciting bad rumor we heard about them isn't true. You can do better, scientists, you can do better!"

• Factory Farm: "All those poor helpless animals, cramped away in the new Factory farm! This is an atrocity! Hey, Presidente, animals are people too! You should release them all into the wild. Yes, I know they're tasty, but if you fancy a steak you should hunt it down like nature intended!"

• Earthquake: "Hola, Tropicans! Last night things got a bit wild between Marco and I, but I assure you, the only collapsed roof we are responsible for is our own!"

• Industrialists: "People, there are some industrialists out there spreading lies, saying that if we do not get out of the beach and go straight to the factory we will die poor! Well, I can tell them that is a blatant lie! The more people come to the beach, the more drinks I sell! Can't you see that having fun is the economic backbone of Tropico?" - Barf note: This one is true and I wrote about it in my Tropico 5 economy guide

• Inmigration again: "Whoa, it's getting a bit crowded around here! Tons of new faces on the island. As I speak I have some strange guy sitting right next to me. I don't know where he came from and what is he doing here, but he is looking at me right now. Yo, creepy dude, I'm talking to you!"

• International summit: "Rejoice, Tropico, foreign dignitaries are coming to our shores! Remember, don't you dare pickpocket any of them or you risk starting World War 3 all by yourself!"

• Jewelry factory: "With the new Jewelry Factory opening doors, I find myself in a sentimental mood. Take my love, take my land, but don't you take away my shiny! My firefly brooch is my only memento of a lost love, a guy named Malcolm who was tragically killed by a particularly bad tempered fox"

• Gay marriage: "With the new changes in policy we will have even more marriages in Tropico. Why not have hold your wedding at my bar on the beach? Perfect location and excellent service! We even have a special room where you can keep your in-laws looked away until the wedding is over. For a little extra we will even throw away the key"

• Modern Era: "Modern times have finally arrived in Tropico! Boy have I been waiting! Better surf boards, plastic surgery, nicer swimsuits, better cocktails and above all -a new culture embracing travel, adventure and daydreaming! It's so cool and new, it feels like the sixties all over again!"

• High natality: "It's official! Results from the feel-good poll clearly show that Presidente is the most popular name given to newborns - for both boys and girls! It's also the third most popular name for pet Chihuahuas!"

• Pharmaceutical company: (somber, grave, much too serious-robotic tone) "Try the new antidepressant from TropicoChem - the company that puts YOU ahead of profit. I used to be a sad and miserable person. But not anymore. Thanks to Cheerinax I can now smile and laugh. I am the life of every party. There are no known side effects except pure joy."

• Police station: "A shout out to the Tropica police, who just got a new home. Officer Mendez, you know you can strip search me anytime. Also, you forgot your handcuffs, I kept them as a little memento, but if you need them, I could take your hat instead."

• School: "Ah, I remember my own high school years. I was an acne-covered menace back then. The head cheerleader once stole my jock boyfriend Raul, so I made her eat her own pom-poms. Then I said to Raul "You can't dump me, I'll dump you!" and promptly pushed him in a manure container. Luckily. I've changed for the better since then"

• Stadium: "Ogling that hot, muscular football player down at the Stadium? Me too! So back off, he's mine! But you can have his friends. Not the one with the chiseled chin, though. I'll keep him as a substitute"

• Steel: "I have proven scientifically that Tropican steel is the best in the world! Even my Gut Rot specials needs 35 seconds to eat it's way through an inch-thick plate"

• Supermarket: "Join me in the Supermarket. Cart races, promotion hunts, herding bored kids in a sugar rush, surviving the Black Friday stampede, we've got it all! Remember, dear housewives, it's a jungle out there! Bring your own machette!"